I mean, bidding.

Not content with pimping Ahmed Chalabi and helping embroil the United States in one bloody mess in Iraq, Richard Perle wants to enlarge the theater of operations and bog us down in another one. He spoke the other day at the American Israel Public Affairs Committee--AIPAC--policy conference in Washington, DC. AIPAC has been involved in a spot of bother with the reeling in of Larry Franklin for passing classified documents to two executives of the pro-Israeli lobbying group. But AIPAC isn't going to let that put any more of a crimp in their plans than Richard Perle would let failed prophecies such as "A year from now, I'll be very surprised if there is not some grand square in Baghdad that is named after President Bush" shame him from showing his bloodless bloodthirsty face.

Perle appeared at a lunch discussion with Congresswoman Jane Harman moderated by Dan Senor about the future of the war on terror. An attendee posting he at NRO's The Corner notes, "It was billed as a presentation of 'two visions,' but as Senor pointed out at the end it was more like one and a half, with Harman taking a pretty hawkish stance on most things."

Pretty hawkish, of course, wasn't enough for this distinguished crowd. For example, when Harman suggested that Bush work with the new Palestinian leader to help him tighten security, Perle took out his riding crop. "We should be tough on Abbas in his own interests and the interests of the Palestinians," he said, evincing the same patronizing colonial manner toward our pupils in the region that American military does when it talks about "taking the hand off the bicycle seat" so that the Iraqi forces can fend for themselves. The audience, the poster noted, sided with tough-love Perle.

"The audience also liked Perle's statement that he would hope 'if justification for military action developed in Iran,' the United States 'wouldn't expect little Israel to do our job.' He received more applause when he followed that up with, 'If Iran is on the verge of a nuclear weapon, we will have no choice but to take decisive action.'"

So once again the lobbying machine for plucky little nuclearized Israel is preparing to gear the US up for war, using the same tactics and rhetoric that were used to browbeat the political-military-media establishment into invading and occupying Iraq, and once again encouraging American's proud squadron of chickenhawks to flap their feathers and squawk.

But conference speeches and dire warnings on talk radio and cable news aren't necessarily enough to put the message over. Audiovisual aids come in handy too. Which is why AIPAC has constructed the Iran Doomsday Haunted House Tour.

Yesterday, the Financial Times reported (sorry, the link I have for the article doesn't work--I'm quoting from the print version) on an exciting new infotainment production.

"In the bowels of the Washington Convention Center sits an interactive dystopia: a step-by-step guide to how Iran is 'pursuing nuclear weapons and how it can be stopped.'"

Neat! Though I wouldn't take the kids.

"The Disney-inspired nuclear tour begins in a dark room, with a strange mottled effect on the carpet and a giant screen introducing 'the five main players in the Iran's nuclear cat and mouse game...'

"Those attending the exhibition are encouraged to 'walk through the steps Iran is taking to produce highly enriched uranium and plutonium.' The room contains a conveyer belt, heaped with large stones, which are funneled through a metal box plastered with signs warning 'caution, radiation' and 'danger, keep hands clear...'"

Wait, it gets scarier.

"In the 'nuclear power plant' room, dominated by a replica fuel rod with blue lights sparking on and off and colored tubes, voiceovers from different rooms start to overlap. There is a steady echo of the phrases 'make an atomic bomb,' 'uranium enrichment,' and 'the threat is real.' The penultimate room asks: 'When will Iran get the bomb?' Television footage depicts marching Iranian soldiers and a map showing how far Iran could strike with its Shihab-3 ballistic missiles...

"AIPAC's display ends with a sombre caution. 'Iran is seeking nuclear weapons. Iran already has the means to deliver them. The world can still act.

"The threat is real. The clock is ticking."

Once you exit the interactive tour, and I can't believe the Financial Times omitted this detail, the viewer is greeted by the animatronic figure of Jackie Mason inviting you to his new Broadway show, Freshly Squeezed, which features all-new comedy material with no recycled ingredients. Perhaps AIPAC felt a jovial fascimile of Jackie Mason was just what the doctor ordered to lighten the mood and not make the installation a total downer, but I really think this sort of blatant commercial tie-in undercuts the seriousness of its message.

Hillary Clinton spoke at the AIPAC conference today and I gather from another Corner dispatch that she did everything short of squatting and hatching a bunker-buster on a bed of straw to show the audience she shared their concerns.

P.S.: The Financial Times' Observer column today has more about Hillary's wowzer.

"To be more Catholic than the pope is not the appropriate metaphor but Senator Hillary Clinton managed to upstage Ariel Sharon, the Israeli prime minister, in being tough on Mahmoud Abbas, the new Palestinian president...

"She won standing ovations for an uncompromising speech that could have been written by the White House or Sharon's Likud party."

These days, how can we be sure it wasn't?

P.P.S. Justin Raimondo at Antiwar.com has a chockolot more about the seismic implications of Franklin and friends.